The secret of manifestation is carried in our subconscious.

We all long for love, touch, connection, and intimacy.

Many times, it may feel as if these desires are out of reach, or if they are available, not in the way we truly long for.

The coping mechanisms we developed in childhood often become obstacles to loving relationships in adulthood.

We operate from our “adaptive self.”

We distanced ourselves from our true self in order to survive.

We learned to live within the programs of our parents and past relationships — programs stored deep in our subconscious. These programs shape our lives.

As children, we often heard that anger was unacceptable.

Such messages formed our adaptive self.

Some turn that anger inward, others shut it off entirely, while some become explosively reactive.

For example: a little girl is sent to her room every time she gets angry, with the message that she will not receive any attention until she behaves “properly.”

Later in life, she fears her anger.

Her subconscious forms a program — anger equals abandonment.

She may then find herself in relationships with partners who constantly cross her boundaries, but she doesn’t speak up.

She doubts herself and struggles to set clear boundaries. In the end, she may feel used, unheard, or undervalued.

Or she may find herself with people who are highly expressive and emotionally intense.

That intensity might scare her, causing her to run away instead of expressing herself — because, to her, conflict means the end.

But the gift of this relationship is the chance to reclaim the lost part of herself — in this case, her relationship with anger and the right to express her emotions.

Another example: “Don’t cry, only weak people cry.”

We learn to hide our sensitivity or numb our emotions.

A young boy who is very sensitive is repeatedly told, “Big boys don’t cry,” or “Stop crying,”

and so he develops a subconscious belief that in order to be accepted, he must hide his vulnerability.

Later in life, he may find himself in a relationship where his partner is very emotional and expressive and constantly asks him for more.

In conflict, he shuts down or avoids it altogether.

The gift in this relationship is the chance to reclaim his sensitivity.

Our emotions have a rightful place in our lives.

We don’t have to say “I’m sorry” when we cry, or when something weighs heavily on our hearts.

Our vulnerability is a gift.

It is okay to feel what we feel.

Relationships, in any form, are our teachers.

What we admire or reject in others often reflects a quality within ourselves that we have denied or suppressed.

If we were not allowed a certain emotion in childhood, we will likely attract teachers — such as partners — who will guide us toward it, until we manage to reclaim it and allow ourselves to feel it.

In that allowance, we always uncover a piece of our true self.

All of your emotions deserve a place in your life: your anger, sadness, fear, love, joy, and pleasure.

Let’s not suppress them. Let’s allow them.

Only then can they be transformed.

With love,

@Dana’sSoulHouse